Four lessons from four years
It’s hard to believe that it’s already been four years since our wedding. Which means it’s been almost half a decade since we got engaged… Crazy! While there have been definite ups and downs over the years, Alyssa and I have set out to condense our knowledge gained to four main points, one for each year of our marriage so far. Without further ado, here are the four most important lessons from our four years of being married!
Be Best Friends
While it may sound cliche, this has been so important for us. Especially being married fresh out of college, we have been (happily) forced to lean into each other. Our friends from growing up and from college are now spread out around the country. To me, being best friends means always being there for each other. When things are bad, I need to be there as a friend not a handyman. When things are good, I get to celebrate with Alyssa! And when things are just middle-of-the-road, we get to work together to make life fun and interesting!
I know, earth-shattering right? But there is some deep wisdom in this. As Alyssa and I have learned how to deal with conflict, this has been huge for us. For us, step one in working through any conflicts we have is to just be honest. If it’s not out in the open, there’s a good chance that it’s being bottled up. There’s definitely a line of what is “worth” fighting about and what is just something small. Without honesty and openness though, we definitely would not be able to find this line! This will always be a work in progress for us, but striving towards this openness is very important. And on the other side of this honesty is the ability to listen and accept what is being said.
Especially in our modern technology-filled world, this is SO important. I truly believe that being purposeful about time together makes a huge impact. Even something as “boring” as watching a TV show or playing a card game together can be valuable time. When we put phones away and focus on each other instead, I feel connected to Alyssa. It doesn’t take much to distract and get in the way of this time though – a simple ding from an email or text, or the casual pull to social media. Be intentional about ignoring these prompts and truly spend time together!
Marriage is not easy, and it takes a ton of work! When things are hard, it can be tough to see the fun in things. Being able to cut loose and just be goofy together is a powerful thing for Alyssa and me! We are definitely not the most serious people, and our connection to each other through sarcasm and humor is one of the things I remember most about our dating years. I think the ability to continue that helps us stay close and stay true to ourselves.